...and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day...because I have recently joined the ranks of the 10% of Americans who are unemployed. I just found out yesterday. I apologize to my close friends and family if you're learning about this en masse, but I just hate talking about it, and even though I have suddenly found myself with more time on my hands, I feel like I'm in a dither and like I need to do 5 million things at once. So here's the update:
I am sad because I worked with so many great people and I am really going to miss them. I am actually holding it together pretty well, but there is one editor I worked with who was such a great mentor to me, and every time I think about how I won't be working with him anymore, I burst into tears.
I am embarrassed, and my pride is definitely bruised. One thing that makes me tick is I always want the people I work with to think I'm doing a good job. I hate the thought that anyone would think otherwise or that people who don't know the whole story will think less of me. I am definitely having an issue with the stigma of being laid off. (I survived a lot of rounds of layoffs at my previous employer, and I hoped it would never happen to me, but the way the economy is, it seems so common it is almost a rite of passage.) Ugh, and the thought of having to talk to certain people (you know, everyone has those one or two - or more - annoying people in their lives) about it makes me want to crawl under a rock.
I am annoyed that I need to update my resume, and try on my suit, and go on interview(s), and get settled into a new job with new coworkers. (And even though I am very thankful for unemployment benefits, I'm annoyed I need to figure out how to do that.)
I am scared, for obvious reasons.
I am humbled and in total shock that I completely agree with my company's decision. I fully support them and wish only the best for them. I would have thought I would be too stubborn to feel that way, much less admit it. But that is truly how I feel.
I am honored that so many of my coworkers expressed their kind and tearful support of me and that people have been coming out in droves to offer me emotional support and to write recommendations for me.
I am thankful that I have such a great family. I can't be too sad when Greta and Pat are with me. I told Greta that I wouldn't stay working at my old job and that I needed to find a new one. She said, "Oh no!" and then asked me a few questions about it. We got into a mini economics lesson, and her suggestion was that maybe they should start selling "princess stuff." Smart and funny, she is.
I am also thankful that I wasn't escorted out and that they gave me time yesterday and today to collect my things and thoughtfully organize and pass along my projects. It was also nice that so many people offered to help me with my things that I actually turned some away, and those who did help me made it so I didn't have to do the "walk of shame" to my car alone.
I am excited for the future. I think I have a pretty good chance of finding something similar in my field, but if I want to try something completely new, this is probably the perfect opportunity to do so. And I'm also excited to have some time to, like, paint my kitchen (sometimes it's the little things), and to ultimately have more time with Greta.
I am tired. I keep thinking this is just a nasty dream. Alas, it is not.
So, at work right now we're having a Wii Bowling tournament. Without me knowing it and against my wishes, one of my coworkers signed me up for the tournament. Before the start of the tournament, I hadn't played a video game since maybe 1986, and I really wasn't looking forward to looking like an ass in front of my coworkers. But then I played a game or two and realized that Wii Bowling is at least mildly awesome. Possibly my favorite part of the tournament so far has been creating my Mii.
My Mii looks like me! Look, see? (That was like modern-day Dr. Seuss prose.)
The bad news is I'm really not very good at playing WB. The good news is I'm not the worst. That and if there are any superlatives at the end of the tournament that don't have anything to do with skill (eg, Person Whose Mii Looks Most Like Him/Her) I might have a shot at actually winning something.
Off topic but not completely unrelated, Greta came home with a piece of paper (paper that wasn't a scrap or leftover dot matrix paper!!) that was rolled up and tied, like some kind of fancy certificate. Greta claimed it was a present for Pat and me. Pat untied the bow, and we excitedly unrolled the paper to find this.
Pat asked Greta what it was, and she said to him, "It's you - from the time you turned into a monster head." Is that a Satanic figure in the upper-left corner? Like my Mii, the resemblance is uncanny, don't you think?
