unemployed

Sorry for the recent radio silence. The last week has been more than a little annoying. Greta came down with a rather unpleasant cold, and she was out of day care more than she was in it. I then got said rather unpleasant cold. Job-searching productivity down the tubes. Then we got slammed with snow. Blah, blah. Then our Internet was out most of the last two and a half days.

I spent a couple hours yesterday morning at an internet cafe Panera, and then I decided that was for the birds. After you've gotten used to a cushy corner office, you can't sit at some table with dried who-knows-what on it from who-knows-when while you try to fight the overwhelming urge to pee because if you went to pee you'd either have to leave your laptop with your entire life on it out in a public place or take it into the bathroom (ew) and risk losing your food-crusted table while you're hopped up on coffee you didn't want to buy in the first place. And since the one and only positive thing that popped into my mind as I was sitting at a table with tears in my eyes, getting told I was being laid off, was that I would now I have time to paint my kitchen, I decided to paint my kitchen! I painted the ceiling yesterday and then put a coat of paint on the walls. So far it seems to be a tricky color and may need a few coats, but I will be sure to post pictures when the new kitchen is ready for its unveiling.

What else? As I mentioned, I haven't been very productive about the job search this past week. I will say that there are a couple solid tentative plans in the works, so I am not feeling super stressed right now. I have a lot of good people looking out for me, so I know this is temporary and that I need to enjoy this first break I have had from work since I started working at 15. I know it will be over in the blink of an eye (in the grand scheme of things). I will say the feelings associated with being unemployed are still...unpleasant. I went from saying, "I was laid off last week." to "I was laid off earlier this month." to now needing to say, "I was laid off last month." (Stupid short February.) I know why, but that has been a hard transition in my brain.

One more thing. It's almost that time of year again! Greta will be turning four later this month, and we're having two small parties this year so we made two invites. We took many pictures of Greta and luckily got two good ones. I thought people might enjoy some of the outtakes.

This is my personal favorite. Supastar!

Cutsie Tootsie

It was so unusually sunny we were stumped. Most of the pictures were waaay overexposed. Oh, she is doing "karate moves" here.

Princess Crooked Crown

Fran

...and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day...because I have recently joined the ranks of the 10% of Americans who are unemployed. I just found out yesterday. I apologize to my close friends and family if you're learning about this en masse, but I just hate talking about it, and even though I have suddenly found myself with more time on my hands, I feel like I'm in a dither and like I need to do 5 million things at once. So here's the update:
 
I am sad because I worked with so many great people and I am really going to miss them. I am actually holding it together pretty well, but there is one editor I worked with who was such a great mentor to me, and every time I think about how I won't be working with him anymore, I burst into tears.
 
I am embarrassed, and my pride is definitely bruised. One thing that makes me tick is I always want the people I work with to think I'm doing a good job. I hate the thought that anyone would think otherwise or that people who don't know the whole story will think less of me. I am definitely having an issue with the stigma of being laid off. (I survived a lot of rounds of layoffs at my previous employer, and I hoped it would never happen to me, but the way the economy is, it seems so common it is almost a rite of passage.) Ugh, and the thought of having to talk to certain people (you know, everyone has those one or two - or more - annoying people in their lives) about it makes me want to crawl under a rock.
 
I am annoyed that I need to update my resume, and try on my suit, and go on interview(s), and get settled into a new job with new coworkers. (And even though I am very thankful for unemployment benefits, I'm annoyed I need to figure out how to do that.)
 
I am scared, for obvious reasons.
 
I am humbled and in total shock that I completely agree with my company's decision. I fully support them and wish only the best for them. I would have thought I would be too stubborn to feel that way, much less admit it. But that is truly how I feel.
 
I am honored that so many of my coworkers expressed their kind and tearful support of me and that people have been coming out in droves to offer me emotional support and to write recommendations for me.
 
I am thankful that I have such a great family. I can't be too sad when Greta and Pat are with me. I told Greta that I wouldn't stay working at my old job and that I needed to find a new one. She said, "Oh no!" and then asked me a few questions about it. We got into a mini economics lesson, and her suggestion was that maybe they should start selling "princess stuff." Smart and funny, she is.
 
I am also thankful that I wasn't escorted out and that they gave me time yesterday and today to collect my things and thoughtfully organize and pass along my projects. It was also nice that so many people offered to help me with my things that I actually turned some away, and those who did help me made it so I didn't have to do the "walk of shame" to my car alone.
 
I am excited for the future. I think I have a pretty good chance of finding something similar in my field, but if I want to try something completely new, this is probably the perfect opportunity to do so. And I'm also excited to have some time to, like, paint my kitchen (sometimes it's the little things), and to ultimately have more time with Greta.
 
I am tired. I keep thinking this is just a nasty dream. Alas, it is not.
 
Fran