November 2006

2006-11-30 21:51:57

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It’s the end of NapBloPoMo. How anticlimactic. I plan on sharing my thoughts on that at a later time. I’ll give you a little preview of my thoughts, though, by saying, Poo. Congrats to everyone who finished, and congrats to everyone who steped things up a notch the entire month.

Tonight, we were supposed to go to the annual Park Ave Holiday Festival thingy, but we couldn’t. We love going to the Park Ave Holiday Festival thing. See? See?? See??? See???? For one, we have a child now and when you have a child it’s wrong/difficult to a) keep the kid up after 8 P.M. and b) walk your kid that just had croup through the rain on a mildly chilly night. Um, also, Pat Reed had to read an entire book tonight (which he still hasn’t started) and I have about a gazillion things to do. Responsibilities suck sometimes. I could be drinking glögg right now. Thems the breaks.

You Park-Ave-arians know this guy was there. (Hopefully he was wearing a shirt.) Look, "Festival Guy" made youtube too.

Everyone should take a tip from "Festival Guy."

Oh, has anyone else seen this? As a super sleuth, I quickly found out it's a hoax. It's entertaining, though, and I like to think there is at least some truth to it.

Well, I sat in front of the computer for at least 12 hours yesterday. That's a long time. Anyway, I think it would be in my best interest ot get off the computer and go to bed at a normal hour tonight.

Hugs and kisses.

-Fran

In the spirit of NaBloPoMo

File under: nablopomo

NaBloPoMo is over tomorrow, and while I've submitted every day, I feel like I've kind of sucked out. I don't really think I stepped things up a notch, which was my goal. For that, I am sorry. To try and make it up to you, I am going to post something truly awful.

Many of you don't know this, but in high school I was a bit of a small celebrity in my hometown of Syracuse. (Unless you actually went to high school with me or remember reading this.) That's right, folks, I have already used up my 15 minutes of fame. I wrote for a weekly teen-based supplement in the Syracuse Herald Journal for two years. During that time I wrote a lot of drivel and was recognized a lot. I was reminiscing today with someone about our personal low points in our professional careers. I immediate thought of one horrible assignment for the paper, and tonight I unearthed my article. Behold! Crap meets crap. If you make it to the end of this piece of garbage, you should probably scold yourself. Shame on my editor, too, for not cutting this way down.

So, Have You Ever Dated an hj Writer?





How did I get myself into this? I’ve never tried to hit on anyone in my entire life. I’ve never even smiled at a member of the opposite sex in the mall. So how did I get into this mess? My big mouth. Although I’ve had a wonderful boyfriend for over a year, I opened my mouth at a meeting for hj writers and said I’d test pickup lines. I wasn’t serious at the time, but editor, Maria [Last Name omitted], held me to my word. Every time I tried to back out, Maria would psych me up again. Sometimes she had to call me twice a day. It was a good thing, too, because I may have left the country otherwise. One thing that helped ease my mind was knowing that Adam [Last Name omitted] and D.A. [Last Name omitted] would be right there with me. They are both very flamboyant, and I hoped their personalities would rub off on me.

Adam called me first to figure out the logistics of the evening. I immediately told him I was nervous and had never hit on anyone before. He said, “Don’t worry, I’ve never hit on anyone either – well, at least not for money.” Adam’s sense of humor helped ease my tension. In fact, after talking to him awhile, I even started to get excited about the whole thing. That night, dreams of pickup lines swirled through my head. In my dream there was a huge line of guys and I had to hit on each one, but the line kept getting longer and longer.

D.A. called me the next night, and we made our final plans. After talking to him I became more excited, but that nervous feeling didn’t go away.

Finally, it was the big day. Everyone I talked to about the assignment was very helpful to me by volunteering their favorite pickup lines. It amazes me that everyone seems to know at least one pickup line, and they are eager to share it. I met Adam and D.A. at the newspaper, where our editors psyched us up one more time before the big event. The first place we went was the mall. The mall, however, is a very cruel place. I suspected this before we went, and I was correct.

D.A. was the first to start, and he started strong. He is quite good at hitting on people. The first responses he got were the best. His ultimate, though, was a very friendly, very pregnant woman. An honorable mention goes to a mannequin at Bonwit Teller.

Adam was more nervous than I expected. It took him quite a while to start. He was selective in his choices, but he always got good responses.

I was the last one to start hitting on people. It would take me quite some time to mentally prepare, and, by that time I was ready, my prey would be long gone. I kept telling myself that I wouldn’t take any negative reactions personally. Even though I truly believed this, I found it very difficult to get that first encounter out of the way. I decided to break the ice by trying my lines on D.A.’s and Adam’s friends. That way, after I was done with my delivery, I could promptly explain my behavior. One of D.A.’s friends gave me some very constructive criticism. I tried different pickup lines on him three separate times, and he told me which ones were the most effective.

Things got much easier for me from there. The next guy I saw, I yelled, “Hey! I couldn’t help but notice me checking you out.” He just glared at me for a long time. I didn’t take the rejection to heart, but we all agreed the mall was a bad place to hit on people.

It was time to try someplace friendlier, so we headed to Taco Bell. There were only two patrons there – both guys, sitting at the same table – so it was my job. I tried a lame pickup line and then made eyes at both of the guys. One of the guys was very friendly, but the other simply said, “I didn’t want to hear that.” Yikes! Then, Adam and I each tried our skills on a respective Taco Bell employee. They were both very friendly, and they gave us free soda. The employee I talked to thought I was hitting on him because he’s in a band. To stay in character, I didn’t explain why I used a cheesy pickup line on him. I felt bad a couple days later when I went back, he recognized me, and I introduced him to my boyfriend. No more free soda for me.

That free soda ran through me pretty quickly, so we stopped at Nancy’s Coffee Café for a pit stop. After using the restroom, I noticed a cute guy behind the counter. I said, “Excuse me, but have you ever been arrested? Because it must be illegal to look that good.” He said, “Thanks,” and looked at me very closely, and then he said, “Hey, you’re that hj girl!” That was, by far, the highlight of my evening.

We were supposed to go to Styleen’s next because it was ‘70s night, but D.A. had to leave and Adam was afraid of the bouncer, so it didn’t work out. That was the part of the evening I was looking forward to the most. There’s just something about ‘70s clothing that decreases a person’s inhibitions. I don’t think it’s proven or anything, but it’s just a theory I have. Adam thought so too, so he was wearing a lime-green leisure suit to gather evidence for our experiment. Oh well. Maybe we can try again when Adam turns 18.

For anyone who’s thinking about trying out pickup lines, it’s great if you keep it on a fun level. If you don’t do well at first, don’t feel bad. Keep trying because, like anything, it takes practice. Oh, and take a hint from D.A. and avoid natural food shops. Trust me.


The End

PS - my picuture made the front page for this crap.

-Fran

Something is rotten in the state of Denmark

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I walked out of work tonight at 5:09 and it was pitch black and downright balmy. Something is very wrong with that. Pitch black *and* balmy at 5:09 P.M.

[Shudder.]

Another weird thing is that Greta sprouted four (YES FOUR) new teeth today. They're the top ones. Greta's not a big fan of showing off her pearly whites, so I only glimpsed two of them, but one of her care takers said there are four new ones. Since she actually spends more time with the kid than I do, I am going to trust what she says. To add more oddness to the odd, I didn't see Greta's two front teeth sprouting as I expected to. The ones I saw were the ones off to the side (Taryn, the upper-lateral incisors, I think), which makes her look like a baby vampire. I cannot stress to you how much a mouth full o' teeth makes me dread feeding her. I digress.

-Fran

Yeeargh!

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I just brushed my teeth, and as I was rinsing off the toothbrush, I looked down and saw that it was actually Pat's toothbrush. At first, I got all sketched out, and then I remembered I'm married to him and had his baby. For some reason, I still feel like I did something wrong. Has anyone else done this?

I did the same thing with my brother's toothbrush once, circa 1989. I was way more sketched out then. (No offense, Phil.)

-Fran

Your daily dose of sugar

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Sugar in the mornin'.

Sugar in the evenin'.

Sugar at suppertime.

-Fran

Spamerific

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It's a very, very rare occasion that I actually open spam, and it's an even rarer occasion that I read its contents. For some reason, I did just that today, and the contents struck me as kind of funny. It said, "It was not easy, and I knew I might well have an accident in spite of the studs and the chains.
There was another that seemed to exist mostly in his mind, but which was no less real for that. When asked if Miss Wilkes had come in of her own free will to give information in the case, Ms."

It dawned on me then that I want to become a spam writer. I think it would be a good creative outlet for me. Why do you never see "spam writer" listed as a job on monster.com?

Not that kind of Spam, ma'am.

-Fran

Another thing I'm thankful for: long weekends

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Hey all. We hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving and weekend. Ours was great! Here's a little recap.

Wednesday, after work, we packed up most of our most of our worldly goods (that's what happens when you have a child) and headed out to Skaneateles to my parent's house. We had originally planned to meet some of my high school friends out on the town, but with Greta's croup, we decided to stay in. We're glad we did (sorta) because she ended up having a pretty awful night. Just one attack, but she was ultra, ultra restless - the worst in quite some time. The evening itself was nice: we caught up with my 'rents and ate some pre-Thanksgiving pie.

Bath time in the sink.

Greta is so punk rock in this picture.

Thursday, we got up bright and oily to head out to the annual McCarthy Turkey Bowl. We stayed about as long as is prudent with a sick eight-month-old child. While we were there, Pat made a lot of good plays; my aunts swore Greta said "doggie"; and I got to catch up with the McCarthys, including my cousin Ryan, via cell, who is in Africa. After we got home, we started getting ready for the feast. My mom put together a great spread of all of the usual suspects for the meal. It was so good. My mom's stuffing is totally better than your mom's stuffing.

I've got the cutest baby too.

We're a happy family!

Friday, we met up with a few of my high school friends - Taryn, Kristen, and Allegra - for breakfast. Greta was quite well behaved, which was good. As always, it was great to catch up with them. After breakfast, we headed home. That evening, we went to Pat's grandma and grandpa's, where we met up with his mom and dad, and we ate leftovers. Yum, leftovers. Pat's parents came to our place for the night. We drank margaritas and watched 40-Year-Old Virgin. Not too shabby!

Saturday, we just kind of hung out and then got garbage plates with Pat's parents. (Yes, Pat's dad wanted to get a garbage plate!!) Since it was their first, they had to be from Nick Tahou's. Not because they're the best, but because they're the originals. I think they went over pretty well. Editor's Note: I just looked up the nutrition information on a garbage plate. Don't ever do that. Saturday afternoon, Pat's parents headed back to the Bing-Hamptons, and we did some sctuff around the yard/house.

Saturday night, we watched Thank You for Smoking. A couple people talked this movie up to me, but I was not much of a fan. A little too hoaky for me.

Today, we sent the bean off to her great-nana's and great-paw's so we could have a date. We went to see Borat Cultural Learnings of Blah, Blah, Blah. This was another movie that was talked up a bit much. It was quite funny and clever, and I laughed a lot, but it also made me awfully uncomfortable. I guess that was the point though, so mission accomplished.

Now it's time to start eating healthy again and exercising, setting up the Christmas tree and shopping, and bracing for the busy-busy at work for the end of the year. Makes me tired just to think about. Oh well, at least it will be over in about a month. Then, maybe we can breath again.

Oh, Greta update: she learned to wave this past week. It is so freaking cute to me. She is such a peach.

-Fran

Fool me once...shame on...shame on me. You fool me, you can't get fooled again.

File under: Uncategorized

Pat Reed told me some devestating news today. He said that bananas are going to be exinct in ten years. Now, I eat a banana almost every day. I love them. They're the perfect fruit. Obviously, I was very upset. I decided to look online to see if I could find a way to devote my life to the banana's cause (well, actually to look up if this could possibly be true), and I found the following. Gotta love snopes.com.

Pat Reed, wrong again! It's almost a shame. I could have quit my job, started selling those magnetic ribbons that everyone has on their cars. They would be yellow, just like some of the other ones, but one corner of the ribbon would be peeled back to display the fruit of the banana.

I hope that ribbon comment didn't offend anyone. I'm real tired, you see.

-Fran

I told you I’m thankful for things

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I’m thankful for my beautiful daughter who is turning into an even more amazing person every day.

I’m thankful for my husband who is handsome, supportive, helpful, and great with Greta, and I love him to bits.

I’m thankful I don’t work in retail.

I’m thankful for Paul Rudd, and Jason Lee, and Jim from the Office.

I’m thankful for under-eye cream and concealer.

I’m thankful for a family who I’ve gotten closer to thanks to Greta.

I’m thankful for sleep.

I’m thankful for Baby Einstein. (You moms know what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.

I’m thankful for Arrested Development on DVD.

I’m thankful for holidays that involve eating delicious foods and not giving or receiving any gifts.

-Fran

2006-11-23 19:39:57

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Happy T'giving. List o' things I'm thankful for to follow when I'm not busy stuffing myself silly.

-Fran