2003-12-12 13:20:38

File under: Uncategorized

Since the last post, a lot of people have been asking me “Hey Pat Reed, how long did it take you to grow such a full and luxurious mustache?”. To that I reply, “Why my friend, I did not grow that mustache; I made it”. This statement usually leaves people very confused. The truth is, I can’t grow my very own ultra-classy, super-thick mustache, like a Chris C or a Selma Hyack. I have neither the ability, nor the time, to grow one of those. I have to resort to using an artificial one. I am a true master of disguise, so you would never catch me in one of those fake-ass black Wright Brother Handlebars that they sell at costume shops around Halloween. Nothing but my own hair will do when I need added warmth and style on my upper lip. I developed this moustache-making technique when I could not find a suitable one on the world wide web.

-Pat






Raw materials:

  • A sheet of paper
  • Wax paper (Saran Wrap also works fine)
  • Elmer’s Glue
  • Human Hair
  • Double sided tape

Tools:

  • A dark marker or pen
  • Scissors

Step 1:

Draw the desired moustache pattern on the sheet of paper. Don’t be afraid to experiment a little. Feel free to cut the pattern out and try it on your face. Don’t be discouraged if the moustache does not look ultra classy. Keep trying different styles and patterns until you find the perfect complement for your face.




Step 2:

Cut a sheet of wax paper that is slightly bigger than your template. Lay the template down on a flat surface and lay the wax paper on top of that. You should be able to see the moustache pattern through the wax paper.




Step 3:

Pour a thin layer of glue, in the shape of the moustache, on your wax paper. Use your finger to gently smooth the glue into a thin, uniform, moustache-shaped coating.




Step 4:

Wash your hands.




Step 5:

Reach into your hair supply and grab a small handful of hair. Do your best to roll the hair so the majority of the follicles are laying in the same direction. Start at the top-center of the stash pattern and start laying the hairs down on the glue. Do one entire side of the stash before going to the other. When there is sufficient coverage on bother sides of the stash, push the hairs down gently with a clean, dry finger (just to make sure that they are properly seated). Then, let the glue dry for about six hours.




Step 6:

Once the glue is dry, gently peel the moustache off the wax paper. Give it a little shake over a garbage can to dislodge any loose hair. Trim off any wild hairs and extra glue.




Step 7:

Put double-sided tape on the entire backside of the moustache. Pull the backing off the tape and stick the moustache to your face. Use a mirror to make sure that you put the moustache in the optimal position.




Step 8:

Once it’s on your face, trim any wild hairs. Always remember, the ladies enjoy a well-kept, sleek moustache.





Step 9:

Accessorize with a pair of large sunglasses or a gold chain and get ready for a party everywhere your face is. Always remember, moustache rides ain't free and you have got to get your 25¢ up front.






Pat Reed models his new Tom Selleck inspired stash

Comments

#1 That's Pat Reed! He's so phat

That's Pat Reed! He's so phat and fly!